Ways To Strengthen The Family

Today I had the opportunity to speak in our church's sacrament meeting. As a newly called member of the Relief Society Presidency, I, along with my fellow presidency members were each given a topic to discuss. I was asked to speak on "Ways to Strengthen My Family". Here is the message that I shared. I based my talk on a Conference Talk titled, "In Praise of Those Who Save" by President Dieter F. Uchtdorf.

Brother Daniels asked me to speak about Ways to Strengthen the Family. As soon as I heard this topic, I immediately thought of The Family: A Proclamation to the World. It is such an inspired document and one that is close to my heart. 

In this proclamation we learn that "...the family is central to the Creator's plan for the eternal destiny of His Children." We also learn that we lived in the premortal realm and worshipped God as our Eternal Heavenly Father. The divine plan of happiness was introduced and enables family relationships to be perpetuated beyond the grave. Sacred ordinances and covenants available in holy temples make it possible for us to return to the presence of God and for families to be united eternally." The proclamation goes on to say that, "The family is ordained of God and that marriage is essential to His eternal plan." 

This inspired document details that, "Happiness in family life is most likely to be achieved when founded upon the teachings of the Lord Jesus Christ. Successful families are established and maintained on principles of faith, prayer, repentance, forgiveness, respect, love, compassion, work, and wholesome recreational activities."

When President Gordon B. Hinckley first read "The Family: A Proclamation to the World", it provided clarity and simplicity. It taught truth. Little did we realize then how very desperately we would need these basic declarations in today's world as the very definition of family is being challenged in the media, on the Internet, by scholars, on TV and in films, and even legislators within the government. The proclamation on the family should be our benchmark for judging the philosophies of the world. I know that the principles set forth in this document are true and if followed will strengthen our families.

Now I feel the need to address the fact that not all families look the same. Let's be honest here...As each of us dreamt about the future and what it would hold for us...not one person hoped that they would be single forever, or that they wanted to grow up and get divorced, or that they would end up childless, or widowed. Families come in all shapes and sizes. It is important to understand and teach the Lord's pattern and strive for the realization of that pattern the best we can. The challenge here on Earth is to find happiness no matter what our family may look like and to strengthen the family that we have been given. 

So how do we do that? 

President Uchtdorf in his talk titled, "In Praise of Those Who Save" counselled the Brethren of the Church to "astonish your wife by doing things that make her happy!" I would add to that, Sisters, astonish your husband by doing things that make him happy!" I would go even further to say, Parents, astonish your children by doing things that make them happy and; children, astonish your parents by doing things that make them happy. Marriages rarely, if ever, end in divorce when the husband and wife are happy. Families rarely, if ever, fall apart when all family members are working together to make each other happy. 

Those who save their eternal families, do so by choosing happiness! Abraham Lincoln once said, "Most people are about as happy as they make up their minds to be." It fits nicely with its scriptural companion, "Seek, and ye shall find."

If we look for imperfections in our spouse, or irritations with our family members, we will certainly find them, because everyone has some. On the other hand, if we look for the good, we will surely find it, because everyone has many good qualities too.

Another way to strengthen our families is by setting aside pride. The great enemy of charity is pride. Pride is one of the biggest reasons marriages and families struggle. Pride is short-tempered, unkind, and envious. Pride exaggerates its own strength and ignores the virtues of others. Pride is selfish and easily provoked. Pride assumes evil intent where there is none and hides its own weaknesses behind clever excuses. Pride is cynical, pessimistic, angry, and impatient. Indeed, if charity is the pure love of Christ, then pride is the defining characteristic of Satan. 

Life is short. Regrets can last a long time--some will have repercussions that echo throughout eternity. The way you treat your family...your spouse, your children...may influence generations to come. What legacy do you want to leave your posterity? One of harshness, vengeance, anger, fear, and isolation? Or one of love, humility, forgiveness, compassion, spiritual growth, and unity? For the sake of our family relationships, for the sake of our souls, we need to be merciful and set aside pride. 

Ask yourself...Is being right more important than fostering an environment of nurturing, healing, and love? Build bridges, don't destroy them. Even when you are not at fault--perhaps especially when you are not at fault--let love conquer pride. 

If you do this, whatever adversity you are facing will pass, and because of the love of God in your heart, contention will fade. These principles of saving relationships apply to all of us, regardless of whether we are married, divorced, widowed, or single. We all can stand up for and defend strong families. 

As we let go of pride, we can begin to love as the Savior loves. President Dieter F. Uchtdorf taught, "as we emulate the Savior's love, He will surely bless and prosper our righteous efforts to save our marriages and strengthen our families." The Savior taught us to turn away from the natural man and to replace contention with forgiveness, kindness, and compassion. He showed us how to support each other and lift each other up. I love the quote, "Thee lift me, I'll lift thee, and we'll ascend together eternally" Isn't that what we want...to all ascend together into the presence of our Heavenly Father. 

It is important to remember that strong marriages and family relationships require constant, intentional work. The doctrine of eternal families must inspire us to dedicate our best efforts to saving and enriching our families. All of this won't happen in an instant. Great marriages and eternal families are built brick by brick, day after day, over a lifetime. 

Think about that...a lifetime! No matter how flat your family relationships are at the present time, if you keep adding pebbles of kindness, compassion, listening, sacrifice, understanding, and selflessness, eventually a mighty pyramid will begin to grow. If it appears to be taking forever, remember, that happy marriages and families are meant to last forever. So "be not weary in well-doing, for ye are laying a foundation of a great work. And out of small things proceedeth that which is great" Doctrine & Covenants 64:33

Building an eternal family takes time, patience, and above all, the blessings of the Atonement of Jesus Christ. It requires you to be kind, envy not, seek not your own, be not easily provoked, think no evil, and rejoice in the truth. In other words, it requires charity, the pure love of Christ. Blessings will come and true happiness will be found from following the Savior's example.

Those who save their families are successful because they counsel with their spouse and family, seek the will of the Lord, and listen for the promptings of the Holy Ghost. In the Book of Mormon we learn of a people who had discovered the secret to happiness. For generations, "there was no contention...And surely there could not be a happier people among all the people who had been created by the hand of God." It was because of the love of God which did dwell in their hearts.

Whatever problems your family is facing, whatever you must do to solve them, the beginning and the end of the solution is charity, the pure love of Christ. Without this love, even seemingly perfect families will struggle. With it, even families with great challenges will succeed. Charity never faileth!

In our efforts to strengthen our families, as in all things, let us follow the example of the One who saves and strengthens us. Jesus Christ is our Master. His work is our work. It is a saving work, and it begins in our homes. Love is essential to the Plan of Happiness. We should strive to be selfless and seek the well-being of others, especially our families. 

In closing, I know that as we strive to love as the Savior loves, He will bless our efforts. As we set aside pride, we will be able to see what is truly important in this life. As we nurture our relationships and put the happiness of others above our own desires, we will have a more perfect relationship. As we look for the good, we will find it. As we look to Jesus' example and strive to be more like Him, our families will be strengthened. 

I am grateful to belong to a church that values marriage and family. I am grateful for the precious truth restored by Joseph Smith that marriages and families are meant to be eternal. Families are not just meant to make things run more smoothly here on Earth and to be cast off when we get to Heaven. Rather, they are the order of Heaven. They are an echo of a celestial pattern and an emulation of God's eternal family.

I know that this Church is true. I know that the Book of Mormon was restored in our time by the prophet Joseph Smith. I know that we are all children of a Heavenly Father who love us and knows each of us by name. I know that Jesus Christ is our Savior and that through Him we can be forgiven. I know that as we put our faith in him we will be blessed. I know that families are eternal and I am so grateful for my little family. 

In the name of Jesus Christ. Amen.